OMGOMGOMGOMG....okay I know I haven't updated in awhile and it's silly that this is the first thing I'll write but:
Tickets went on sale today for Moe., practically my favorite band that is still around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really really exciting, since I've never seen them live, so I just have to find people to go with. The dates are Friday, November 25th, and Saturday, November 26th (yes, two separate concerts), both at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC at 8:00 PM. I can probably go to either, so I'm just going to see what's best for other people that want to come. Please come with me! Moe. is awesome!! I haven't gone to a concert in a whiiilllllleeeee and I'm craving live music. For those of you who don't know, Moe. is a kickass jamband - they've been compared to Phish, but they're quite different. So seriously, let me know if you're interested, because I want to buy tickets ASAP. They're $28, which I know is sort of a lot, but it's totally worth it.
Also, The Presidents of the United States are playing at Irving Plaza on October 4th, for I think like $16, but I'm not sure. That'd also be really fun, and I know probably more of you know them than Moe., given that Peaches is quite a popular song amongst my friends.
Ahhhh okay enough with the concert stuff.....I haven't been in a great mood for the last whatever weeks, but all of the sudden there's an explosion of awesomeness, because of the concerts, I guess, but also because I found out today that I will be the guitarrist for the Swing Choir band this year!!!! You have NO clue how excited I am. I've been looking forward to this and practicing for it for so long. I've worked so hard, I mean, sometimes I feel like practicing is all I do, which is fun and all, but I was never sure it was going to go anywhere. Yeah, okay, this probably doesn't sound like a big deal or whatever to you, just a band thing, but I'm really psyched --- things are finally seeming to fall into place, between the scholarship and now this.
Okay, sorry, that was all the happiness, and I realize it sounds like I was bragging, but I really didn't mean to - this is just really exciting. I've been pretty meh, and blah, and almost even depressed (although I hate using that word, it's just so constricting, like if you say you're depressed, well then of course you'll be, I dunno if that made any sense; that wasn't a good way to describe it) ever since I got back from Idaho. I was just so happy and full of life there, and then I came home to everything I had left behind and forgotten about for 35 days, and I just feel dead. And I know I had an incredible time there; and experience I'll never forget that probably changed me more than I realized it - and that's probably what keeps me going. Those memories. I guess since I've been back, I've felt very, abnormally detatched. I don't know from what, maybe from the world, society, friends, my town and the people in it (not like I was ever too attatched to that), and I guess people and life in general. I just sort of drift around remembering how important it is to treasure each moment and admire everything and all those values I had lived by in the woods, but it just doesn't work that way, and I find myself wanting to do something, but then not, once I'm near it. And then I get angry at myself for thinking about this, for thinking about me me me, for withdrawing into myself, selfishly. But I realize it's my own fucking fault, and if I really wanted to anything about it, I could. Maybe not, but I could try. Goodness, you can't even call this depressed, I've just retreated back to my middle-school self it seems.
You know what? I really don't know why I just wrote that. I guess I wasn't really thinking, but it's true. But still, I don't know why I'm writing it here, of all places, where the entire world can read it if they so choose. It's not important. I'm one of billions of insignificant human beings, and we all believe the sun revolves around us to some degree. So hell, don't accuse me of being a fucking egotistical person, this is my place to rant, to get down my personal thoughts (I have been writing in a paper journal, which is why I haven't written here much, but sometimes, my thoughts go faster than I can write by hand, and I can type quickly, so yeah), even if they're broadcasted to you all. But whatever, think what you please, if this for some reason happens to evoke something in you, probably not. I'm just tormenting myself I suppose, and I need to do it.
Okay this has been a pointless post, but sometimes you just need to get stuff out you know?
I still don't consider myself a senior. I'm not one of those seniors I had seen as a freshman, that I assumed I would grow into - the ones driving and showing off their cars around the parking lot and bickering over parking spaces, and screaming with laughter with everyone, knowing everyone there is to know, "hooking-up" or having a boyfriend, because you're so grown up, going to parties and getting drunk, and all that jazz. Well not exactly jazz, maybe rap. Or hip hop. Lol :) Not saying that I miss or want any of that, but a part of me is curious about what it's like. Maybe not. Oh yeah, the pep rally is tonight. I don't even know what a fucking pep rally is....a prep rally? I don't know. I never really understood, or had an interest in going. I'm probably not missing much, at least for me.
Music class is amazing, and so is Derbs - yesterday we did a, not standing, not sitting, but squatting warm-up!! Lol, 'twas a crazy site, seeing a whole line of people singing scales and looking like they're taking a crap at the same time. Thank goodness I have that first period in the morning to wake me up!
I've been getting these nasty headaches every single day since school started. Could be from that, or from the heat, or from my acne meds (which aren't doing a fucking thing and I thought pimples are supposed to go away by this time since I've had them since I was 11 but it's worse then ever now, but whatever), or a combination of the three. My mom suggests I wear the make-up cover up stuff, but what's the point? What, and why, am I covering? To look better, she says. But why do I even want/need to look better? For what? For whom? So I'll feel better about myself, she says. Hmm, yeah right. Looks schmooks. I'm used to the fact that people aren't attracted to me, and there's no point putting effort into changing that. Whatever.
Wow, why do I continue to write even after I've established that this is a pointless post? See, I'm still continuing now. And now. Okay, not I'm just being annoying. I apologize, if you actually read this, this was immature. Bye!